So now I’ve been on Facebook for over a month and with all the friend requests sent out, there are three people who haven’t responded: one is an out of the closet lesbian from high school days, and two are men Arty Party and I suspect of being gay. That neither of the men has responded kind of cinches it for me. What is this gay holdout?
One of them is a friend of mine through Arty Party; we’ll tackle him next week. The other is a friend from college days; we kind of dated. I say kind of, because although we shared some chaste kisses and held hands and sat close together and would talk intimately, we never sealed the deal. I wanted to, but I was also in love with the Pianist and so wasn’t going to make the first move. If my college friend would have made some moves, perhaps I could have temporarily forgotten about my burgeoning affection for the Pianist. But as time went on, my love for the Pianist grew and my crush on college friend waned. My telling moment was when college friend and I were on the beach at night, walking hand in hand, jumping on rocks and chasing each other around. We stood on this rock together, facing each other, holding hands, faces inches apart, staring into each other’s eyes, one of those corny moments in movies when the characters stop laughing because some serious pivotal moment is about to go down. I heard a voice in my head, I so wish he was the Pianist right now. Bubble burst, I turned away, it was over for me. College friend still tried to hold it together, we had some revealing heart-to-hearts after that, but there was nothing there. He waited too long to come clean with his feelings. Was I the last hope for him in trying to be straight? Was it me he wanted, or the only woman he thought he could force himself to be with, maybe it wouldn’t be so bad? My out of the closet lesbian friend was married before admitting she was gay. She was sexually attracted to her husband only one time that she could recall. It was in a car when she was hit with the need to have sex with him, right then, at that moment. She told him to drive to Little City, a well-known make-out spot in Northeast Philly. He thought it was ridiculous, it could wait until they got home, he didn’t want to do it in the car. For her, the rejection was her a-ha moment. She thought if they had sex at that moment when she really wanted it, somehow it would make her straight. She’d had boyfriends, never liked sex. What was wrong with her? This was her one shot to like it. It didn’t happen. They divorced less than a year later. That she won’t friend me now hurts a little. I think she’s a cool gal. Her profile picture is of her and her partner and a little girl. She looks happy, which I guess is the important thing.
Which brings me to college friend and my Rune question. When I first met him in a poetry class (first clue) I thought he was brilliant. He was also cute. Cute and brilliant, my favorite things. He also was quite fashionable (second clue). His appearance was totally masculine, but he spoke effeminate. He said everyone thought he was gay, but he wasn’t. I kind of did too, but never said this. He offered up the “I’m not gay” information himself, so I took it at face value. He had a lot of girls after him, was friends with all of them (third clue). We played stupid games, trying to make the other one jealous with our opposite-sexed friends. He hated my band guys; I hated his pretentious black-legging, beret wearing gal pals. The doubt of his sexuality never completely left my mind, but I believed what he said and didn’t question him. There were little clues along the way to the contrary that I see so clearly now, and Arty Party seems to believe the reason he won’t friend me is because he doesn’t want me to see his gayness splattered all over his Facebook page. I did look on it a little, his friends, saw some that were blatantly same-sex couples (all men). I don’t care if he is or isn’t: he was funny and sweet and smart and I’d love to be in contact with him. So I’m asking the Runes: is college friend gay? Is that why he won’t friend me? And my Rune is . . .
Reverse Kano. Opening. Does this Rune love me, or what? I am always getting this Rune, and in Reverse. So here’s what we’ve got: expect the snuffing of light in a relationship. A friendship or partnership may be dying, a part of you that is no longer relevant to who you are now. Let it go, for holding on will only deprive you of what is awaiting at the next turn.
So he’s gayer than Rufus Wainwright (love Rufus Wainwright). Gayer than Blanche’s brother Clay Hollingsworth on the Golden Girls (love the Golden Girls). Gayer than Darren Star (hello, Melrose Place and Sex and the City). Come on, college friend; accept my request. I so love gay.