What I’m Riding . . . I Wanna Marry “Harry,” Episode 4

Three down, eight to go

Three down, eight to go

It’s a new day and Karina is in the Crown Suite, fully clothed, when a note is slipped under the door summoning her to Sir’s room for breakfast.  Before she gets there the show’s producers have placed a Photoshopped framed picture of Prince William and Matt (aka “Sir”, aka “Not Prince Harry”) on a shelf.  When Karina arrives she is greeted by Sir, still in his robe.  They have breakfast, chat a little, then he excuses himself to use the loo.  In his absence she notices the picture.  She inspects it further.  When Sir returns she asks who is in the picture with him.  He says, “That’s me and my brother.”  When she meets back up with the girls, she tells them all about this.  “OMG, it’s him!  It’s really Prince Harry!”  Anna Lisa, 23, is not convinced.  She still thinks it may not be Harry.  Harry has more freckles, she observes.  As for Karina, poor thing gets no exclusive out of the castle, by a body of water brunchy-lunch like the previous residents of the Crown Suite.

Chelsea and Maggie are singled out for a special date with Sir, horseback riding around the grounds while the other girls have to clean out the stables.  The only time we’ve seen Chelsea, 21, so far has been the last episode when she led the girls in a twerking session at the pool party.  Now she’s talking and on an exclusive date and getting plenty of camera time.  Poor Chelsea; spotlight equals elimination.

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Anyway, Chelsea pretty much takes over the date, riding side by side with Sir while Maggie rides behind them.  They reach a table and chairs prepared for lunch.  When seated a waiter asks if they’d like a drink.  Maggie declares, “I’d love a beer,” to which Chelsea assesses snarkily, “Yeah, Maggie, we know you love your beer,” and basically proceeds to call her out as a lush.  Catfight on:  during the date, after the date, while going up the stairs to prepare for dinner, Maggie calling Chelsea mean and rude for trying to embarrass her in front of Sir, Chelsea telling Maggie if she’s that concerned about how she looks to Sir she’ll stop drinking and act more appropriate.

The next morning Karina finally gets her alone date with Sir away from the castle, which is a helicopter ride over London.  The two of them have such awesome chemistry it’s adorable to watch.  Karina doesn’t know it, but Matt is just as much in awe of this as she is, because like her, he’s an outsider to this kind of treatment and it shows in his gleeful expressions.  It is truly the one moment we get to see him as her equal and it’s quite revealing.  I got the feeling if he could just come clean with her and be himself, the two of them could have an awesome connection.

Princess Karina?

Princess Karina?

They go on a boat ride and pass under a bridge, where two girls have been planted to scream at them as they pass, “We love you Harry!” and snap pictures with their iPhones.  Karina is sucked in further to the ruse, and of course when she gets back, relates what happened to the girls.  While on the boat Matt and Karina also share their first kiss . . . and second, and third, and, well, you get the picture.  But again, their kissing is very sweet and romantic.  It’s evident they dig each other, and they’re holding hands and just can’t stop being affectionate.  He tells her, “I quite like you,” and she giggles and says shyly, “I quite like you.”  It’s quite a different dynamic from the strictly carnal connection he seems to have with Meghan, the only other girl with whom Matt has locked lips with any passion behind it.

Back at the castle Chelsea is quite irritable and during lunch with the girls basically tells them she doesn’t connect with any of them, doesn’t want to be friends with any of them.  Anna Lisa and Maggie gang up on her and she tells them to shut the fuck up.  Equally as classy, Anna Lisa shouts back, “You shut the fuck up.”  Given this, it’s no surprise when Chelsea retreats to her room to sulk and later asks to have some private time with Sir, during which she informs him she wants to leave.  He politely asks if there’s anything he can do to make her stay, but it’s obvious he’s not too broken up about her decision.  Bye, Chelsea.

At dinner, Kingsley interrupts the girls to announce Sir would like Karina to join him in the Master Suite.  Once there they lay on his bed and kiss.  In his testimonial Matt says he’s developing feelings for her and feels bad about deceiving her.  The camera cuts to Kelley at the table, looking quite dejected.  In her testimonial she cries like a brat who wants ice cream, “I wanna be in the Crown Suite!”
.        Sir spends some time with the girls in the garden, where they play a game of badminton.  Kelley attacks the game with the same amount of yipping puppy ferocity she displayed while on the boat with Sir, when she did a backflip into the water and hit her head.  This time she keeps running up to the net to hit the shuttlecock and slides in the dirt, falling on her ass.  Too desperate, this girl.  I used to think she was adorable; now she’s pathetic.
.        Sir isolates Anna Lisa, and they stroll to take a seat on a bench, where she plies him with questions, firing away, bam bam bam.  He’s getting quite tongue-tied and starts to figure out she’s not exactly buying this whole Prince Harry thing.  I can practically see her jumping off the seat from the inevitable swing of the castle door banging her in the ass as she takes the walk of shame to the waiting limo.

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The night ends with Matt and his eight lovelies in the hot tub.  Meghan (who has now taken to calling Matt “Babe” in her testimonials) is across from him and describes to us how he was “eye-humping” her and playing footsie under the bubbles.  She feels confident she’s one of his faves.  I feel confident if she’s ever picked for the Crown Suite she’ll be tiptoeing to the room next door to give Babe’s crotch some face time.

Elimination night.  Kingsley says Sir would like to see Anna Lisa and Kelley.  Kelley’s sitting in the garden, waiting for him to arrive, having a conniption because she’s so afraid he’s going to send her packing.  When he approaches she practically slides off the bench and sobs, “Please don’t tell me I’m going home.”  Of course not, sap.  You actually believe he’s Harry.  It’s non-believer Anna Lisa who gots to go.  But if you ask me, neither one of them is what the other girls would call “princess material.”

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About whatimriding

Born and raised in Philly, I spent several years in Las Vegas, working at the House of Blues and writing about the city. I now reside in Tampa, where I continue to work on novels, scripts and short stories and tearfully await former Lightning forward Vincent Lecavalier's return to the bay area.
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